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Three years after Tinder created a new culture of super-fast, super-fun digital dating, many women are being bombarded with X-rated pics and insults. Lauren McKeon September 11, An online world where delicious sex-positive empowerment often comes with gag-worthy harassment, sexism and disrespect. The first Tinder devotee onstage is blogger Steph Davidson, a cute, curvy thirtysomething with thick-framed glasses.

The audience listens, rapt, as she launches into a story about a truly dismal Starbucks date. Her wannabe beau, she confesses, showed up wearing a Cosby-esque sweater not ironically, she thinkswas at least 15 years older than his profile picture and smelled like the back of a stale cab.

Davidson remembers sneaking out to the washroom to give herself a pep talk and ultimately deciding to stay. She wanted to be polite. Reed, she ordered a large tea and let her date pay for it, both things she would regret, especially as he peppered her with questions about what kind of porn she watched. When she later told him she was post your cock, he asked her what she expected; after all, she had tattoos.

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I laughed along with everybody else, but I wondered if these stories were really funny at all. In March, Toronto police announced the arrest of year-old Everest Zhuka, charged with two counts of sexual assault. Police alleged that he had lured at least two women through dating sites like Tinder with saccharine messages and promises he could help them start modelling careers.

When the women arrived for their dates, police say that Zhuka tried to convince them to become escorts before sexually assaulting them. There are also a lot of dick pics. To her, Tinder is full of micro-aggressions—acts so seemingly small that most of us let them slide.

How do we promote things like equality, respect and consent when our new hookup culture tells us a picture of an erection is an acceptable way for a man to say hello to a woman? But in those cases, there are filters digital and social to help avoid them. Tinder and many location-based apps like it, in contrast, let you participate after providing nothing more than a photo and a Facebook. While old-school dating websites still have a loyal following, use of the latter has skyrocketed since the launch of Tinder back in According to U.

Roughly one-third of those users are women, and the vast majority of them are aged 16 to The Tinder user is also super engaged: on average, both men and women log on to the app 11 times daily, with women spending eight and a half minutes swiping—left for no, right for yes—per session, and men clocking seven minutes.

That means the average user swipes for roughly an hour and a half every day—a whole lot of time to find a hot hookup or a potential BF but also to get harassed post your cock put down. I discover this first-hand when I Tinder for research.

I spoke to many women who admitted that the more swipe-happy they become, the less attention they pay to vetting their dates. All the swiping can start to seem unreal, like playing Candy Crush or scrolling through Netflix. For millions of women, this kind of gamesmanship is fun and empowering. Just swipe left. But it also leaves us more vulnerable to meeting up with men we would never agree to date if we initially encountered them face to face.

And more of us are meeting our digital matches in person. A Pew Research Center study concluded that Internet post your cock were more likely to meet IRL than they were a decade ago: inonly 43 percent of respondents had met an online match in person; inthat jumped to 66 percent. Both men and women can have multiple chats on the go at once, cycling through rote questions: Hi. Hey sexy. How was your weekend? I like travel and sports.

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I like your smile. Tinder Fails.

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Pukall likens these new digital dating habits to the gimme-the-new-next-best-thing consumerism that dominates much of the modern tech world. When other options are just a swipe away, we amplify our judgmental nastiness and have less patience for working through communication glitches or challenges with a potential partner.

This seeming lack of consequence comes into play, particularly with nude photos. This can be tough to translate to Tinder, which was originally conceived as a hookup app. Saying you just want sex can be seen as crass, whereas demanding a relationship can seem to contradict the carefree vibe of apps like Tinder. For her, Tinder done right, with open, clear communication of expectations, is an empowering experience. Women, she suggests, can even choose whether or not they want to put up with harassment. In that way, it is quite powerful. I broach this subject with Nowak, and she agrees that, post your cock much as we play them down, these pictures are harassment.

She bristles at the lack of recourse for women when it comes to reporting unsolicited dick pics. So why do we treat digital cases so differently? I put that question to David Fraser, a partner at the Halifax-based law firm McInnes Cooper who specializes in Internet and privacy law. Legislators and judges are often one or more generations removed from the people using this technology. Related: Margaret Atwood on Dick Pics.

I contacted Tinder several times for information on their harassment policies. The rules posted online offer little reassurance. But why are so many men sending these pictures in the first place, sometimes after only a couple of messages? What a cruel world. In the past, he says, he has messaged photos of his erection without asking whether a woman wanted to receive one. Check out my dick!

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That tendency can be dangerous when a girl meets a guy with whom she has only exchanged a few texts. Rosie Henderson, 27, is a Scottish expat living in Toronto, with dark brunette hair and kohl-rimmed eyes. She says the worst Tinder date she has ever been on was with an older man who was far too handsy. They met at a bar. After two beers, he was drunk and his fingers kept grazing her arms and legs, even as she inched away to make more space between them.

Yet, when he asked her to go and see Dumb and Dumber Toshe agreed, despite having zero interest in him or the movie. She wanted to leave but also wondered what her mother would think; she was raised to be polite.

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In the end, she lied, telling him she had to go home because she had to work early the next day. Related: The No B. Guide to Making Friends as an Adult. Wolfe debuted Bumble later that year. The app lets you match with people similar to the way you do on Tinder, but the woman has to send the first message. The only trouble with these female-friendlier apps?

Relatively few guys use them. Bumble reported in June that post your cock have initiated more than five million conversations on the app—a stat that seems impressive until you realize that Tinder facilitates double that of convos every day.

Sadly, harassment-free dating seems to be more appealing to women than it is to many men. For now, at least, we may have more luck fending off online harassers by shedding our ingrained sense of politeness and dishing some attitude back. Instagram feeds like Bye Felipe are one way to do this. Other women I spoke to turned the crude comments back on the men. Toronto comedian Christina Walkinshaw loves the app for short-term meet-ups, has been on more than 50 first Tinder dates and struggles to find an example of a bad one. But she still gets her share of rude messages. The answer is no.

If you ever saw what came out of my butt, you would NOT wanna go in there. This story is part of Project97—a year-long conversation about sexual assault, abuse and harassment. Visit project Margaret Atwood on Dick Pics. Related: Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About Reed, she ordered a large tea and let her date pay for it, both things she would regret, especially as he peppered her with questions about what kind of porn she watched. Joseph Communications uses cookies for personalization, to customize its online advertisements, and for other purposes.

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