How to find a submissive

Added: Shardee Penny - Date: 30.09.2021 13:30 - Views: 21584 - Clicks: 1298

I miss it. They can't bring themselves to hit me — it makes them uncomfortable. My partner has decided that they're okay with me going to someone to help me with my needs. The problem is I don't know how to do this! It needs to be someone I don't know, and they need to be very discreet. How do I find such a person? I can help! This is actually a complicated question… maybe even more complicated than you realize. I'm happy that you and your partner have talked about boundaries. You mention that you miss it, so you are experienced in BDSM. I'm going to write this to try to help those who might not be as experienced, too.

First we'll talk about what to consider before engaging in a BDSM relationship, and then we'll talk about finding one. First how to find a submissive, let's talk about what BDSM means. Are you interested in being tied up or otherwise restrained bondage? Are you interested in punishment discipline? And is the type of punishment you're interested in physical e.

Are you submissive what kind? Are you a slave do you know the difference? What are your hard boundaries? Do you want to be humiliated or is that too far? If you're submissive, are you also a masochist? Or are you a Dominant, and you want to be in control of someone else? Have you considered a purely text or phone-based BDSM relationship as in, you never meet physically? This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what to consider about you and BDSM. There are as many different types and levels of kinks as there are kinksters.

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It might be worth it to think about other things that turn you on, and talk with your partner about those, too. If your partner isn't into hitting, but you can both get turned on by nipple clamps, that would be a great realization to come to! If you already know your specific desire, let's talk about things to consider when finding someone specifically to fulfill your BDSM needs.

What to discuss with a potential play partner So, you're into receiving physical pain, specifically hitting. Consider what else you might be into that comes with that: do you want it to be as a result of a transgression punishmentor as something you ask for reward? Are you interested in it being a humiliating over-the-knee spanking, or does that humiliation aspect turn you off? Do you want to be hit in different places on your body?

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Are there places you definitely don't want to be hit? What I'm getting at with all these questions is this: there is a lot to consider when you're looking for a BDSM play partner, especially a casual one, or a professional one. Communication is paramount in absolutely any relationship, but it's especially necessary in a BDSM dynamic, particularly when there's no romantic relationship and you won't be just talking out feelings with your play partner.

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For more on communication, check out this post I wrote about my own experience BDSM and open marriage. When you find a BDSM play partner, you're approaching someone with a wish list.

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You need to figure out what's on that wish list. In order to do that, you could:. Remember that the most important part about BDSM is safety. Never start a session without discussing safe words. Always respect your partner's boundaries. Always respect your own boundaries — don't push yourself farther than you are comfortable. If you're new to a certain activity, research the hell out of it before trying it, and discuss the research with your potential play partner. Be fully aware of the mental toll BDSM takes.

Any session you have has to end with aftercare in some form for everyone's well-being. Kinky sex has made its way into mainstream culture in places other than poorly written erotica-gone-NYT-bestsellers-list. Our kids…. Note that some dungeons have professional subs, too, but that these are more rare.

Here's an experiment: Google "dominatrix" and your city name right now I'll wait. If your city is big enough, you'll probably return from the web s of professional Dominants. Yes, it's as easy as Googling it. The s explain their services, their rates, their rules. Read these s and get a sense for what goes on when you hire a professional. Sometimes they work at a dedicated space like a dungeon with others.

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Sometimes they meet you at a hotel. Some specialize in humiliation, others specialize in bondage, others specialize in spanking. Peruse the sites and figure out which professionals might be a good fit. Contact them through the method listed on their site. Of particular note when you consider hiring a professional is that generally, they don't offer sex. The reason for this is obvious: in most places, it's illegal. However, paying someone to tie you up and tell you you're a dirty girl isn't illegal.

Evidently, though, if you're looking for BDSM to be part of actual sex, you're not going to get it through hiring a professional. As the name implies, these people are in the business of BDSM. They have strict rules and regulations. You'll be instructed about what how to find a submissive safe words are, you'll have to dress in a certain way, and you will be told what is and what is how to find a submissive permissible to do during a session.

This is a very particular type of session that is not for everyone, but it could be perfect for someone who wants to make sure that sex and the social aspects of a relationship are completely separate. However, it's expensive. If you don't want to hire a professional, it is possible to find a Dominant or submissive play partner who is interested purely in play and not a romantic or social relationship.

The best way to find this is through a website deed to facilitate meetings between like-minded fetishists. FetLife is a website where you can create a profile and find other people in your area. You can see what their fetishes are, and you can contact each other and go from there. FetLife also organizes completely vanilla meet-ups so that members can meet face-to-face without any pressure. Some cities will have "dungeons" where interested parties can go to meet sometimes through invitation only and engage in sex on the premises.

Obviously, you need to be extremely careful and exercise caution when meeting someone from the internet. I'm not going to go into this here, but it should be evident that this is even more important when the point to your rendezvous is sexual in nature — and doubly so when there is potential for restraining, pain, etc.

Another thing to consider is that BDSM relationships, even when they're not romantic, have a mental aspect to them that can be extremely intense there's a reason I'm not referring to these as "casual relationships". It's important to think about this before entering a BDSM situation with someone — whether it be a one-time session or a full-fledged relationship— and to discuss again! That's a lot to handle. It's doable, but it takes a lot of work.

Haha, BDSM pun. It can be extremely rewarding to find a BDSM play partner or hiring a professional. You need to be mentally prepared for the relationship, and you need to do your research. You need to keep your own safety and your partner's as the top priority. We'd love to hear particularly from Homies who have opened their relationship to do so. I started out searching for users in my area. Wasn't looking for a relationship, just online friendships with like minded individuals. After a year of online chatting we ventured to out local BDSM dungeon, thewoodshedorlando. Well I was hooked!

On both him and the local dungeon. Now we have two beautiful twin girls and plans to marry this fall, and we still make it out to the dungeon once in a while, when someone offers to babysit. Congratulationon having found your someone. I have been on Fet Life for 5 years without any luck. Your post has given me encouragement to continue the search. Good for you for knowing your needs and expressing them. I've found that kink desires are some of the hardest to talk about. My advice: Fetlife to start with.

And also, look for kink or lifestyle events in your area.

How to find a submissive

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Where To Find A Submissive or Dominant Partner