Added: Preeti Huebner - Date: 25.07.2021 23:48 - Views: 28314 - Clicks: 3045
Ok, so I have apparently been under a major misconception. The reason I'm asking this is because I was talking to a dom today and I was telling him that my last dom essentially told me that doms do not love or care about their subs. The man I was speaking with told me that my last dom was right. That doms might to some extent care about their sub but do not love them because they cannot love a woman to whom they've caused pain. He said that most likely the only way a dom can love a sub is if he falls in love before he does any spanking or anything.
Is this true? I mean, I'm not a huge romantic. I'm not obsessed with finding love or any nonsense like that, if I fall in love I fall in love but if I don't my life is completely whole on its own. But seriously? Is that why there are so many people who are in a vanilla relationship and have a BDSM one on the side? I'm asking because I really have a skewed understanding of love and all of that. I guess I don't really understand it. That comes with insanity. I was hoping a sane person could explain.
I mean, obviously I'm hoping someone will tell me that doms really can love their subs but truth would be appreciated. Maybe some other experience? It's kind of depressing lol. I think they are wrong. I know plenty of couples who spank and love each other.
Also as a switch and a touch of a sadist domme when I top I personally care More about my subs after I have caused them pain. I find it creates a more intimate connection.
I don't see how it could possibly get in the way of a loving relationship. Also discipline is hard work. If there wasn't care involved I think there are plenty of tops who wouldn't do it. Not to mention plenty of subs who wouldnt let a top touch them if they didnt feel cared about much less loved. So yeah in my opinion those two idiots were very wrong. Something messed up w their conception of domming and causing pain not to mention their ideas of a relationship.
I think that if they approach causing pain like that without care and believing the woman to be not worth love if she bottoms they are not safe or hoodtops to bottom too. I personally if iI heard that kind of opinion would refuse to play or have anything to do with the top much less allow them to discipline me.
In my opinion discipline doesn't work if there is no caring involved. I have walked away from disciplinarians BC I did not feel cared for. So good luck and don't settle for less than you deserve. Like any other, most likely there are Doms that are nice, and some that are jerks If you have a need to be submissive and in love, and that is your expectation - then my guess is that you should be able to find someone who is Dominant, and has the same need and expectation to be in love with their partner.
I'm going to think on this before I post I've seen relationships both ways, but for the most part I've lived as a sub off and on for many years and I have yet to be with someone who didn't love me or at least care deeply, but I have to agree with Ben Some Doms want control and sex, others want a sub they can take care of and mutual needs met. I personally would never get into a relationship that didn't involve some kind of deep feelings. But don't confuse this with a Mentor and Mentee.
Mentors care about their mentee, but usually love isn't involved.
They are there to help and guide until the mentee is able to do it on their own. It's usually not a permanent thing. The feelings of care and concern are still there, as is the platonic love, but that's not really the venue for romantic love as frequently one or the other are married. And, again, with any type of pairing in this thing we do, take your time, perform the due dilligence that's necessary to keep you safe and sane before you enter into a relationship.
I for one would not want anyone who did not care for me disciplining me. I think there are all kinds of "love" between partners no matter what the relationship is labeled not just romantic love. I would be VERY leery of anyone who said that they could not love or care for me because they had caused me pain.
When I meet with a spanker I'm not concentrating on the "pain", but on what the ultimate goal is for the session and as far as I know my spankers aren't just trying to cause me pain. Sometimes it just takes time to find the right fit. Please be careful and be true to yourself. I am a sub, and my husband who is the HOH loves me very much. Married for 15 years and many more to come with me hopefully over his lap when it is deserved. Speaking for myself depending on the "relationship" between myself and the spankee determines how I feel for her.
I have spankees that are spanking partners and I still have a genuine care and concern, as in a strong friendship, for them. For some I am Daddy and the level of care and concern in those situations is deeper. It is my goal to help them reach their desires and see them grow and succeed in achieving can a dom fall in love with his sub goals. As stated in earlier posts above, people are people.
You need to have genuine communications with the other party and ensure you are both on the same. I answer any question my spankees ask of me honestly and to the best of my ability. I want everything known and agreed to upfront before we even begin so there are no surprises later. So state your expectations and desires upfront and ask questions as necessary till you are satisfied that your concerns are addressed satisfactorily.
When romance comes into the picture, Love takes on a different face. Its expressions are different but no less sincere. If the person you're with is getting a thrill out of seeing you in pain that you consent to but don't enjoy, you've got a big problem on your hands and i'd suggest you gtfo BEFORE it crosses into non consent. Yes a good Dom or Master or Mentor what ever they call them self should establish a loving relationship with their sub.
Without love, compassion or a level of caring the Dom is only using the sub for their personal pleasure.
There will be many Doms who disagree with my approach and this post. We all have different opinion and methods. I don't want to give up control and all that to some jerk who just wants to control and hurt me. If that makes sense. My last Dom was a piece of work.
However, I did learn to be a little more selective and to expect a little more from being with him. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't right in that a sub shouldn't expect any kind emotions to be poured her way and I wasn't just spinning fairy tales in my head or something lol. I wish you the best of luck in your search. Domination without love, which certainly doesn't have to include sex is one step away from abuse.
It's seeing people as objects to do things to, not as people Ya know Mikey, there's an entire kink around that. In my experience abuse comes into the picture when owners are indifferent to their things. Also, domination can and does happen without love.
The one step away from abuse is in a lack of care and respect. Without it.Can a dom fall in love with his sub
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